Emotional abuse is hard to name because it doesn't leave bruises. It shows up as being criticized, corrected, ignored or blamed, until you no longer trust your own memory or feelings. Many women live with it for years before they find the words for it.
I'm a man, and it happened to me for more than 20 years. The patterns are the same whoever they happen to, and so is the way out. This page gathers the places on this site that are most useful to start with.
Is this happening to me?
- You feel you have to watch every word to keep the peace.
- Your memory of events is regularly "corrected" until you doubt yourself.
- You're made to feel too sensitive, too emotional or "crazy".
- Your money, time, friends or phone are watched or controlled.
- You feel smaller, quieter and more anxious than you used to be.
If several of these sound familiar, read Signs of emotional abuse, Gaslighting phrases, or go through the free 40-sign checklist.
If you need help now
If you're in danger, or afraid of what might happen, Get Help Now lists ways to reach support. Use the Quick exit button at the top of any page if you need to leave this site fast, and see Browse safely for how to keep your visits private.
Where healing starts
Healing starts with believing yourself again. These are the tools that helped me most:
- Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), with tap-along videos for anxiety, shame, grief and sleep
- Self-forgiveness, for the part of you that blames yourself for staying
- Types of abuse, to put words to what you've lived through
Ask a question privately
If there's something you've never said out loud, you can ask me anonymously. No name or email needed.